At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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