My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
