I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
