I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
