i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
