im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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