Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
