I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Enjoy the penises
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
