i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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