i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
