I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
