Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
