i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
