He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize