it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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