I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
