im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
