i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
