so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
