just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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