Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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