Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
