it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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