Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
