My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
