Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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