I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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