I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
