So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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