I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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