i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
