There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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