dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
