I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize