Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
