This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
