idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
