There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
