i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
