I wannas sexs uuuuu
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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