sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You don't make any sense
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