I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
