i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My bed smells like the plague
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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