is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he thought i was a dude.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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