if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
