the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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