we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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