I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
