Sponge bath it is.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
