Can Purell be used as lube?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
