i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
