Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
