I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I love you. Go after that dick
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
