i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
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True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
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Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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