Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
