Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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