It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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