So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm getting married
To pizza
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
