is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
