if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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