Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
there is glitter all over my balls
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
