i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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