i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
