I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I wear drunk well.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
