He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
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Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
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I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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