The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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