i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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