frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
