Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
