So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
